The Inner Depths of Insanity

I had what could have only been a dream…

I was in my kitchen and some girl from the evangelical church I went to as a child came to visit me in California.  We were eating out of a big bowl of potato salad with two other girlfriends of mine.  The church girl kept asking us if we were doing a psychological experiment on her and how she took a class on human subjects once.  The girls and I reassured her that we are not studying her.  Still, she’d whisper to me, “I think I’m in an experiment.”

Next, we are in a car to pick up a guy friend and on the way there, she keeps laughing and saying that she feels like we are trying to make her do stuff.  We’re like, “no, we’re not, we are just weird like this all the time.”  Then she says it feels like we are trying to get her to talk about god or something.  My friends are like, “uh, we aren’t Christians.”  She asks us if we are missionaries, and at that point, I’m like, “there’s something wrong with this girl.”  I ask her, “are you sure you’re not doing an experiment on us?”

Then she gets really scared and won’t stop holding onto me.  She says she’s very very scared, really confused, nothing makes sense, and this day feels like an experiment gone wrong.  We ask her what she’s so afraid of, and she says that the time is scaring her because the clock read 7:14.  She explains that the number 4 represents death in Japan and she’s worried that we are all going to die.   We watched the time turn to 7:15 and looked to see if the anxious and slightly paranoid girl was ok.  Then she insists this is an experiment, asking us if we were all stalking her and if we’d been watching her facebook.  She suspects that we know her friend Ben.  She asks why we keep saying the name “Chris” and, well, we were picking up our friend Chris.  Everyone tells her that we don’t know anything about her.  Finally, Chris gets into the car, it took him a while, because he lost his laptop.

As we drive away, she’s talking to one of my friends who’s trying to console her.  The rest of us are having our own conversation and she suddenly tells us all to shut-up.  She’s still holding onto me this whole time and her and I get dropped off at a sushi place that’s down the street from the sushi place that everyone else was going to.  Now, I don’t like touching people, so I ask her, why are you holding on to me?  She says because she’s afraid that I’ll disappear.  I thought she mean that I’d leave her, but she meant literally vanish or die.

I asked if she gets premonitions and she said yes.  We are walking around outside, pacing in front of the sushi place. she keeps telling me theres going to be an earthquake and that the world is going to end 2012 (like the movie).  Also, she keeps bringing up Star Trek.  I later realize that she’s holding a Start Trek mug.  We walk into the sushi place and a friend is having a karaoke birthday there.  I don’t really know anyone there and I couldn’t see my friend as he was wearing a bunny mask on-stage singing.  I say, “I love you, Mark!  Happy Birthday!!”  I leave with the girl still clinging to my arm.

We then walk to the other sushi place to sit down and talk some more.  She tightly holds onto me, like we are an odd lesbian couple, and we can’t even sit across from each other at the table b/c she can’t be separated from my side.  She looks at me and says, “Why do I feel like we can teleport?” then asks me, “Why do I feel like you know all my thoughts?”   (BTW, we order miso soup and sashimi).  She said that the last time she was this scared was 5 years ago, when people were talking about god.  Talking about god makes her scared, because no one ever talks about God.  She keeps saying that I can read her mind and that I make her feel safe.  I’m wishing that she’d let go of me.

When we got back to my apartment, everything seemed to be getting better.  She stopped holding onto me, but she didnt want me to leave her… so i slept out in the living room.  Then she flips out, and I have her call her parents.  She’s having some sort of panic attack where she thinks that there’s about to be an earth quake like in Haiti and her mom is going to die, everyone is going to die.  It is 2:43 am right now.

She keeps coming over to me (sleeping on the couch) and grabbing me, scratching my face.  Her dad and mom keep saying that she needs to take her medicine… she wont take it.

She asked her dad if he believes in God.. and he keeps telling her to take her medicine… he says “no… well.. i dont know if i believe in God”… she refuses to take her medicine…now she’s asking him why he’s such a skeptic and shes getting angry…. she doesn’t want to take it even though it will make her normal…”i will not take it for u”… her dad says that if she doesnt take the medicine, nobody can help her… she’s afraid of being dependent on it… she refuses to fly home… or take her medicine… she wants to drive home… she wants her dad right now….

her dad just said shes going to end up in a mental hospital…. shes saying… “daddy why arent u listening to me?… theres nothing wrong with me.” snap… her dad just said… “i’m very sorry that you are going to end up in a mental hospital.”….. she’s making her dad promise that he’s not going to get on a plane… he hangs up on her….

We watch TV– a very bad idea.  We play Final Fantasy 8, also a bad idea.  She finally lets go of people and sits on her own.  This is where she degrades into the inner depths of insanity.  She starts yelling and cursing, while calling out for her father.  She sees a televangelist on TV and pours a cup of juice over my television.  The TV starts to sizzle.  She starts shoving me, also having bruised my leg by kicking it.  At this point, she seems to be getting violent and moving around cussing at people.  She looks at me and tells me that stay away from her, that I’m the leader of this place.   Taking a rug from our sliding glass door, she says it’s a magic carpet and that it will teleport her to Alcatraz.  She keeps asking us what our biggest fears are as she still won’t let go of the Star Trek mug and is now holding an ace of hearts with a yellow smilee face on the other side.  We tell her to stay on the carpet for protection, and she sits there doing many different poses, laughing, yelling, crying.  Then, silence.  We sit and watch her lifelessly sitting there for what seems to be hours.

Finally, her mom comes bringing us 3 egg McMuffins and drags the girl away screaming.


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